I remember seeing her in the grocery store thinking, "She could have at least left the house in something other then sweat pants." I never said it,but I thought it. Then she approached me as her snotty nosed one year old reached out to touch me with his gram cracker encrusted grin. Damn I thought, she always wants to chat forever, and I need to get my shopping done and get the heck out of Walmart.
What I didn't know is that in between bottles and chasing her infant around, she was lucky to have had a shower. What I didn't know is that more then likely she had been at home all day with only a one year old vocabulary to entertain her, and a chat with me would feed her need to be recognized as someone other then mommy.
There were so many times I made the comment "I mean honestly, she doesn't work, she just stays at home and plays with her kids all day." The truth is, I am busier now then I ever have been. When I was at work I could come in clear off my desk and feel a sense of accomplishment. Then I would sigh, my work for the day was done, heck, I might even have time to surf the internet, check my Facebook. At home, my work was never done. There was always a project, always someone needing me, always something else that could be done.
Ah nap time, when I must choose. Take a shower or clean the house? Mow the lawn or run on the treadmill...? Hardly what I envisioned. I thought I would run my house like my work office. Everything would be organized, we would stay on task. My kids would be Baby Gap model look alikes with freshly combed hair and clean faces . I would be that peppy fun mom, we'd make cookies and do art projects every day.
Then I realized I was that lady in Walmart. I was a sweatpants worshiper. I might even have a stain down my shirt, and my child was the one reaching out to strangers with an animal cracker stuck to his forehead. I now considered Walmart an "outing," and I enjoyed talking to anyone who might stop and chat, because frankly I'd been watching Baby Einstein all day.
To all the mothers I judged I owe you an apology. I never knew. I never knew how precious time would become. I never knew that frankly I wouldn't give a damn if my hair wasn't done and I smelled like sweet potatoes and desitin. I didn't give a damn because I was at home enjoying every moment with my son. I never knew that I would surrender my vanity to experience the pleasure of motherhood.
