ACCEPT

This weekend is the big race, the half marathon....am I nervous? Of course! I'm not nervous because I think I can't do it, I know I can, but like all other Fit Mamas I want to do it well, I want to secede.

I always thought that running was the one place where I could let go, and don't get me wrong it is, but there is still that part of me that wants to do it well. I keep telling myself just finish this race to finish, it's not about your time, but I realized I'm not afraid of finishing, I'm afraid of not finishing. Like any woman I am afraid to fail.

So I started to think when will I be satisfied? Isn't it enough that I have gotten this far? Why do we as women push and push to be the best wife, mom, friend, sister, PTA member, soccer coach, taxi driver, cook, Gardener, and athlete? When do we finally take a step back and say, "wow," look what I have accomplished, and look what did it take to get me here? When do we reach the point of self recognition and actually take credit for it? When do we accept the outcome!

Going into this race I have decided I need to refocus and look back on the history of what it took to get here. When I hit that steady pace and I am on mile six, needing inspiration, I need to remember why I stayed determined:

• started out walking and pushing the stroller after Brody........still determined
• ran on treadmill while Brody was in the swing, sleep deprived, full of milk .....tired but still determined
• ran 5k 8 Weeks after Brody, saw his little face at the finish line.....determined to do better
• met with my running partner ran slower then pre-Brody time after time........still determined
• Up at 4:30 am on the treadmill running while Brody sleeps.........tired, but determined.
• ran 10k for the first time.......felt on top of the world..still determined
• ran another 10k........got first in my age group........INSPIRED TO RUN FARTHER!

So here I am. Everything I have trained for has lead me to this point, time away from Brody and Buddy. I am torn between panic and determination, excitement and fear, and anticipation and apprehension. Despite my mixed feelings, I know the time I have spent will only lead to success. Either way I am ready to take on the challenge of this run and the challenge accept the outcome.