US

Just another morning on the treadmill, my husband walks out the door for work. My headphones are on and I'm in the zone. He walks by and gives me the same wave I get everyday, and I wave back. It is the silent language we have come to know after the baby, and the stress oflife has seasoned our marriage.

As I run I think back to a time when a silent wave wasn't the norm. When we used to sit on our front porch after work, enjoy a glass of wine and discuss our day together. When time used to pass by so slowly and when the night came to a close intimacy was inevitable. When we used to laugh, cuddle and share the little moments of our day, anticipating the weekend. So when did we loose sight of those people and who had we become?

Somehow the strain of life slowly creeps in steals the passionate, innovative, adoring individuals you used to be. It's not that you aren't attracted to your spouse, or you don't desire them. It's just when you finally get that moment of solitude, where no one is crying, hungry, needing you.......a good book, a hot bath, and pure solitude is what you want more then anything. And so you both retreat to your silent moments of solitude basking in your own time.....alone.

You don't realize it right away because it happens slowly, and it happens to even the strongest of relationships. I can remember counting the days that it was okay to go with out being intimate with my husband. I had a magic number in my head and I knew as long as we didn't go past this number, in my mind we were "ok." Over time the number grew and I had to ask myself, am I okay with this number? Are we normal, what is normal, what is wrong with us, How do we get back to US???

It has been my experience that to become an US again you must escape, take a mini vacation, even for a day. When you come home every day, you pull in the driveway, and you walk through the door, you immediately take on the role of MOM. You can't escape it. The dishes need to be done, there is a stack of bills on the table, and your kids are needing you NOW! Because you are a responsible Running Mama you will not be able to escape your responsibilities and by the time you can even think about doing so, you are just too tierd to converse with yor husband and the silence continues.

So my husband and I took a night off, we escaped. It was amazing, once we were removed from our surroundings, we had no choice but to rediscover US. It wasn't anything fancy, it was just a night away, to escape from the role of mommy and daddy. Do this, you owe it to yourself and when your night away is over you will realize under that stack of bills, dirty dishes, diapers and the laundry........ there is always an US ............you just have to take time out to find it.

ACCEPT

This weekend is the big race, the half marathon....am I nervous? Of course! I'm not nervous because I think I can't do it, I know I can, but like all other Fit Mamas I want to do it well, I want to secede.

I always thought that running was the one place where I could let go, and don't get me wrong it is, but there is still that part of me that wants to do it well. I keep telling myself just finish this race to finish, it's not about your time, but I realized I'm not afraid of finishing, I'm afraid of not finishing. Like any woman I am afraid to fail.

So I started to think when will I be satisfied? Isn't it enough that I have gotten this far? Why do we as women push and push to be the best wife, mom, friend, sister, PTA member, soccer coach, taxi driver, cook, Gardener, and athlete? When do we finally take a step back and say, "wow," look what I have accomplished, and look what did it take to get me here? When do we reach the point of self recognition and actually take credit for it? When do we accept the outcome!

Going into this race I have decided I need to refocus and look back on the history of what it took to get here. When I hit that steady pace and I am on mile six, needing inspiration, I need to remember why I stayed determined:

• started out walking and pushing the stroller after Brody........still determined
• ran on treadmill while Brody was in the swing, sleep deprived, full of milk .....tired but still determined
• ran 5k 8 Weeks after Brody, saw his little face at the finish line.....determined to do better
• met with my running partner ran slower then pre-Brody time after time........still determined
• Up at 4:30 am on the treadmill running while Brody sleeps.........tired, but determined.
• ran 10k for the first time.......felt on top of the world..still determined
• ran another 10k........got first in my age group........INSPIRED TO RUN FARTHER!

So here I am. Everything I have trained for has lead me to this point, time away from Brody and Buddy. I am torn between panic and determination, excitement and fear, and anticipation and apprehension. Despite my mixed feelings, I know the time I have spent will only lead to success. Either way I am ready to take on the challenge of this run and the challenge accept the outcome.

10 miles

Ran 10 miles for the first time! Took me 1:31 .slow ug.

Don't judge a girl by her playlist

Recently someone asked me to share my running playlists with them, and I was surprised to find that I was a little embarrassed to post a few of my favorites. So lets just say there is music on my running playlist that I would not be caught listening to otherwise. Lets face it running, especially long runs and training can get boring. The music I pick for my running playlists range from rap, 80's, country and just miscellaneous...are you kidding me tracks. The thing is it isn't always about the music, most of the tracks are about small moments in time that make me smile or take my for a trip down memory road.

There are a few songs that take me back to college where I would dance till the wee hours of the night, full of life and energy. There are a few artists such as Areosmith, who take me back to the music video era, where music videos were you and your friends would actually have to schedule Alicia Silverstone's next premier. Then there are just the classic running songs that get everyone going ACDC, DAFT PUNK, PINK, CAKE , you'll see them on every runner's playlist.

I guess I need to get over my embarrassment and just post a few of my favorites. Just know that for me these songs help me in several different ways. They represent recovering from a bad break-ups, cruising in the back of a pick-up in the summer time, over coming a challenge, how many stride per minute, keep your pace, don't quit now, climb, faster, slow down, I had a bad day, you're on the homestretch, leave it all behind, and believe in yourself.

Here are a few of my favorites.....remember.no judgements.enjoy!

1. I run to you - Lady Antebellum
2. Under Pressure- David Bowie and Queen
3. Run- Collective Soul
4. Brown Sugar- Rolling Stones
5. Bad Moon Rising- Credence Clearwater
6. Copperhead Road- Steve Earle
7. Little Bird-Annie Lennox
8. Nothin' Better to do LeAnn Rimes
9. Got Me Under Pressure-ZZ Top
10. SOS- Rihanna
11. Sweet Dreams-Eurythmics
12. Push it- Salt and Pepper
13. Take a Picture-Filter
14. Glamorous- Fergie
15. All Summer Long- Kid Rock
16. Thunderstruck-ACDC
17. Shoot to Thrill- ACDC
18.Red Neck Girl ( remix) The Bellamy Brothers
19. A Little Less Conversation- Elvis ( remix)
20. Ray of Light- Madonna
21. Rockstar - Nicleback
22. Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger- Daft Punk
23. Another One Bites the Dust- Queen
24. The Man Comes Around- Jonny Cash
25- Free and Easy Down the Road I go-Dierks Bently
26- The Distance-CAKE
27. The Climb- Miley Cyrus
28. Cotton eyed Jo-Rednex
29. Pour Some Sugar on Me- Def Leopard
30. The Long Way- Dixie Chicks
31. Suddenly I see -KT Tunstall
32. Ice Ice Baby- Vanilla Ice
33. Slim Shady- the real Slim Shady ( don't ask)
34. Jessie's Girl-Rick Springfiel
35. Barbie Girl ( Aqua) yes I know....but it has a good beat.
36. Intergalactic-Beastie Boys
37. Girls-Beastie Boys
38. California Love-2pac
39. Proud -Heather Small - makes me thing of Jillian Michaels
40. Pump it up-Elvis Costello
41. Eye of the Tiger -Rocky Soundtrack


There you have it :)

Bye Bye

BRODY WAIVED GOODBYE TO ME FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!

Whole Wheat Sugar Free Carrot Cake

So I tried a new somewhat healthy carrot cake for Easter.  Less calories then the traditional stuff. Seemed to be a hit, so for those of you who wanted the recipe, here you go.  This recipe is for a 9x9 pan, I doubled and it fit in a 9x13 cake pan just fine...

1/2 cup Honey

1/2 Cup Splenda 

1/2 cup canola oil 

2 eggs or two egg whites and one egg if you prefer

1/2 tsp. salt

1 tsp. of cinnamon

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 Cup grated carrots

1/4 cup chopped walnuts 

3/4 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. baking powder

1 can (8 oz.) of crushed pineapple ( UNSWEETENED) 

Mix together all wet ingredients and then all dry.  Put wet in a mixer and slowly add dry while mixing slowly.  Pour into greased pan and cook at 350 for 40 minutes or longer ( until toothpick comes out clean. ) 

Frosting

After cake cools frost cake

1 package of 1/3 less fat cream cheese 

1 (8 oz.) container of sugar free- low fat whipped topping ( cool whip) 

1/3 cup splenda 

1 tsp. vanilla 

Mix all together in mixer and frost cake! 

FIT MAMAS

Today I am in the suburbs visiting the folks.  Usually I love to run here where the air isn't so thin and there is actually dew on the ground.  I live in a desert climate where I am constantly gasping for air while I train.  Today I was with out a sitter, so I had to once again pound the treadmill...ugggg.  Little did I know the scenery I would uncover at the local 24 Hour Fitness, just scenery of a different kind. 

Now I live out in the country, small town where you go to the local gym and you are lucky to find a treadmill that works or doesn't have a hole in it. I figured I had better inspect the child care facility prior to blindly dropping off my 8 month old son.  I walked into the pristine palace and realized this there was clearly no need to worry.  I mean this place actually had those little spray bottles you use to wipe down the exercise equipment post work out... and people were using them.  The child care room was just short of a McDonalds play area, only more magnificent and clean. I plopped Brody down and watched him scoot away grabbing for the nearest toy. I knew he would have no troubles. 

 I scoped out the treadmills and tried to get myself phyched for a six miler.  As I began picking up my pace I took in the scenery.  I wasn't the only mom there by any means, but suddenly I began to feel like I was a part of that famous sesame street tune "One of these things is not like the other,"  I began to notice all the other moms dressed in strategically planned work out get-up, full make-up and you could actually see the definition in there arms, legs and booty.   My idea of gym attire is a ratty old race shirt, shorts and an old sports bra that more then likely should have been replaced a year ago ( possibly why my boos aren't as perky as theirs either.)  

I began to realize how much work it must be just to stay that thin, that defined, that beautiful.  Running for me is a place to let go, it's the challenge, it's beating my last time, it's struggling with mind over matter during that last mile.  I began to wonder what going to the gym was about for these mom's and I came to one conclusion, it's about the pressure's of being beautiful.  I call these women "Fit Mamas." 

Fit Mamas are different from Running Mamas.  You will always see them in the suburbs, and you start looking for Ken because you are staring at an exact replica of Barbie.  They strive to be fit because for them it's about how many hours they logged at the gym that week, and now I can fit into my size two pants ONE week after giving birth.  It's not about the sense of accomplishment or the desire to be an athlete.  "Fit Mamas," are the true housewives of America and I was in their territory. 

Now I have no problem with "Fit Mamas," usually they take one look at me notice I didn't get the memo it was hot pink sports bra day and they leave me be.  After my run I picked up Brody from the day care where he was laughing and playing with one of the Fit Mama's children.    I looked at Brody with his rugged little camo pants and worn in Robeez and then I looked at the Fit Mam's child with her brand new pink pants and freshly combed hair.  Immediately the Sesame street song stated to play in my head once again. 

We were off to the market to pick up a few necessities and I noticed there were several Fit Mamas in the Market doing the same.  Brody and I cased the isles for baby food and I gave Brody a plastic grocery bag to play with.  He squealed with excitement and waved it around as it made a crinkling noise.

 I found the baby food and turned my back to Brody to grab a jar, and I felt the Fit Mama's disapproving glare burn into the back of my head.  I turned to find a Fit Mama staring at me, bright eyed and in disbelief.  Her child was well dressed, slightly older then Brody and had his hands were engulfed her her Coach Diaper Bag.  "Are you going to let him swallow that?" she asked me pointing to the plastic bag my son had now started to suck on.  She glared at me, not only for thinking I was the worst mother in the world, but my hair was matted to the side of my face from sweat, my nails were rough and unpolished, and Brody may have even had a touch of leftover lunch on his shirt.  I could tell she was reliving the nightmare she had read in one of her Parent's Magazines, "Child dies after swallowing grocery bag."

 This was the moment where I knew I would forever be a Running Mama because I choose to let my child take a chance, and his hair isn't always combed or just right, I think he might have even ingested a few pieces of kibble a time or two.  But because he'll learn to take chances and experience life, my hope is that his road to run will be that much more interesting.  He will have life experiences, real ones, and hopefully he won't have to worry about the superficial pressures in life.  I stared back at the Fit Mama and replied with a non chalet flip of my hand, "Yes I am, don't worry he swallows entire grocery bags all the time," and even thought I ran six miles that day I felt like I had accomplished so much more. 

My 10K victory...I never would have guessed!

My fist 10k run was nothing to write home to mom about. I was planning to do the 5k and in the car on the way there, I decided to do the 10k instead. I had run 4 miles the weekend before and thought what is two more miles? I had my running partner with me and knew I could keep up with her pace, so I did my first 10k on a whim and finished.

I decided I would train for my next 10k, try and beat my last time. Brody is getting older now, so I can actually do a long run on the treadmill while he naps. Sometimes I even stick him in the bouncy chair while I run, this way we can talk and have a conversation. In my mind I envision him thinking, " go mom, go," when really he is thinking, "What the heck is my mom doing?" Doesn't matter to me, he is my moral support, infant and all.

Race Day came up on me faster then I had planned, but this time I felt ready. I did look at the course and realized there were more hills then my last race, and it was a trail run, so the odds of beating my prior 10k time, wasn't looking good. At any rate, I was excited and had the classic race day jitters. I figured it was just another stab at proving myself as a runner, and knowing I was capable of more then just the 5k.

That morning I awoke to find a little note by the coffee pot "Good luck, sweetie, love you," I smiled. Then went through the standard series of events:
Feed Brody, kiss him goodbye, grab sunscreen, grab hat, grab i-pod, drink a cup of coffee, drink water, use restroom, grab checkbook, lace-up, feel guilty for leaving Brody, thank good he has great grandparents who love to babysit, drink more coffee.........Time to go.

I peeked at the course a little, praying there wasn't a steep hill right off the bat. Lined up at the start line and then it was START TIME. I started off the run with a great pace. I felt good, and the first hill didn't even bother me, even though it was steep. I babied the downhill part of the course, due to my knees, but it was around mile 4 when things got a little painful.

I had read about people having to use the restroom during a race, but fortunately this had never happened to me, even while I was training. Suddenly, I heard my tummy gurglgle and twinge of panic started. I needed to go, and I needed to go bad. As I was traveling down the dusty trail, every rock I hit jarred my belly. I looked to my right to see if I could duck off the road with out getting too noticed, but there was nothing but a steep climb, which would surely be miserable. To my left was an open meadow and there was just no way.

The last two miles were not what I would call my fondest race memory. I kept looking for the mile markers that just weren't coming fast enough. I even slowed my pace a little, it was mind over matter at this point and the sooner I made it to the finish line, the sooner I could use the restroom. I crossed the finish line avoiding disaster, but only by a small margin :)

I arrived at home to tell my hubby that I didn't do so well, and I told him why. Of course to him everyone else this situation is comical and looking back it is comical to me too.................at the time it wasn't so comical.

Looked up my time this morning, got first in my age group, even with my unfortunate condition. Was it miserable? ..............yes! Will I do it again?...............you bet! It's on to train for the 10k in May!

Before Brody

I signed up for my first 5k because I wanted to just do it, just to say I had. I knew from high school track that running took a gene I didn't have. I fell in love with the whole race atmosphere. What is not to love about a race? There are fit, fun, positive people, free bagels, and this happy euphoric energy you can't explain. I couldn’t wait to sign up for another race right away.
Before I had Brody finding time to train was easy. Like any other woman with out children I could come and go as I pleased. I could even fit a run in before and after work. It wasn’t really something I had to schedule.

Then I got pregnant, and I watched the horrific look on several peoples faces as I ran through six months of my pregnancy. My biggest fear wasn’t child birth, but not being able to run for another three months. How long would it take me to get back where I was, if I ever did, or could? After I was too big to run I bought every work out DVD for PREGOS known and I walked.

Then came Brody. Brody has forever changed my life in ways all mothers don’t know are possible until you have a child. I struggled the first three months, battling with fatigue and loose joints, breastfeeding. I craved getting back in the game. My motherly guilt set in every time I left Brody to go on a run. What a terrible mother I am for leaving my baby and for wanting to escape motherhood only after three months.

Then I realized, running made me a better mom. Cruising down the road, ipod in hand gave me peace. It gave me that time to re-group, think about my upcoming goals and make conscious decisions to accomplish them. When I got home there was never a time where I wasn’t happy to see my Brody.
I ran my first 5k seven weeks after Brody was born. Looking back this might have been a little too soon, but it gave me the confidence to know that I could do it again. I am now challenging myself to all new levels, and I am actually a better runner now then before I had Brody. I realized running is just like life, you do what you think you can’t. I hope I will inspire other moms to know they can run again and to believe in the beauty of themselves.

Why I decided to start a blog

These are the tales of a mom who though she would never be able to run like she used to after giving birth. I want to be able to run around the living room and chase my children with confidence. I want to live a long life and see them grow. Even if it means I run at 4:30 am on my treadmill and the whole world thinks I am crazy. I want other women to know they can set a goal for themselves, make time for themselves and still be a great mom!